h i i i

welcome!!

july 12, 2023

this is gonna be a catch up of yesterday lol
mostly a bunch of meetings, i'm getting s lot more comfortable speaking up in meetings and stuff! which has been such a great like relief. i do stutter a bit still but mehhhh
what did i eat yesterday..... I had mushroom

soup for brekkie ( ialso did today) and fritos and twizzlers for lunch L O L. but for dinner i had a big bowl of pork, rice, and eggplant. when you fry up the eggplant and then cook it down with hoisin sauce and sugar its sooooo good
the texture was still weird to me but im glad i can now remove a vegetable from the kist of food i find nasty
what else is on the list..... i think its safe to remove tomatoes? i know artichoke is there for sure. its just so scaly!!!!
lolol this is an aside but i just got a vivid memory of being in the fcm library with

and just whispering vegeta-bles quitely and giggling
but today... is like our Q3 meeting... i know that like jobs come and go and ill get paid no matter what but i like....
i get so anxious when it comes to money so im working on not taking things like this personally. just focus on my job and then if im good ill do my part to raise money butttttt if not its not my fault lol
im just an intern!

this morning and yesterday i saw a few tiktoks about this manga called 'goodbye eri' and its about how we sometimes 'edit' our memories like movies
like some movies, like the starwars movies, in a series one movie is super good and the story is great, and then the next one sucks butt cuz the editor changed
it made me think a lot about how i've edited my own memories to even now so subconsciously
the question i've been thinking is... have i edited my own life to be more miserable?
....
i think i have. i have a bad memory to begin with butif i sit and think and look at photos for long enough... the good memories become stronger
i don't think 'wow no one knew how sad i was then, i hid it so well', but it becomes more 'i could be happy for this time despite my worries'
talking with

sunday helped really cemented the importance of that
and just in general trying to find the reason why i am this way to find a reason for my behaviors does little
i mean its reassuring but
id rather think about how to change to be happier now
ive been insular for so long and i thought it was just my nature to be sad inside forever
but i dont think so anymore.
okay bye

july 10, 2023

today, i had a massive headache
i dont even know why, i think it was just moving stuff and personal talks and emotions last night and then numbers and screens today.
i feel asleep so easily this morning lol i had to watch a documentary on sunfish

and then had to take a nap again.....
but i got an energy boost a bit later so now im okay!
i have to start packing again grrrr
i think today im gonna start with the stuffies on my bookshelf and the other stuff there
maybe nightstand stuff? we'll see lol


	Home About Links Diary welcome!! july 12, 2023 this is gonna be a catch up of yesterday lol mostly a bunch of meetings, i'm getting s lot more comfortable speaking up in meetings and stuff! which has been such a great like relief. i do stutter a bit still but mehhhh what did i eat yesterday..... I had mushroom soup for brekkie ( ialso did today) and fritos and twizzlers for lunch L O L. but for dinner i had a big bowl of pork, rice, and eggplant. when you fry up the eggplant and then cook it down with hoisin sauce and sugar its sooooo good the texture was still weird to me but im glad i can now remove a vegetable from the kist of food i find nasty what else is on the list..... i think its safe to remove tomatoes? i know artichoke is there for sure. its just so scaly!!!! lolol this is an aside but i just got a vivid memory of being in the fcm library with and just whispering vegeta-bles quitely and giggling but today... is like our Q3 meeting... i know that like jobs come and go and ill get paid no matter what but i like.... i get so anxious when it comes to money so im working on not taking things like this personally. just focus on my job and then if im good ill do my part to raise money butttttt if not its not my fault lol im just an intern! this morning and yesterday i saw a few tiktoks about this manga called 'goodbye eri' and its about how we sometimes 'edit' our memories like movies like some movies, like the starwars movies, in a series one movie is super good and the story is great, and then the next one sucks butt cuz the editor changed it made me think a lot about how i've edited my own memories to even now so subconsciously the question i've been thinking is... have i edited my own life to be more miserable? .... i think i have. i have a bad memory to begin with butif i sit and think and look at photos for long enough... the good memories become stronger i don't think 'wow no one knew how sad i was then, i hid it so well', but it becomes more 'i could be happy for this time despite my worries' talking with sunday helped really cemented the importance of that and just in general trying to find the reason why i am this way to find a reason for my behaviors does little i mean its reassuring but id rather think about how to change to be happier now ive been insular for so long and i thought it was just my nature to be sad inside forever but i dont think so anymore. okay bye july 10, 2023 today, i had a massive headache i dont even know why, i think it was just moving stuff and personal talks and emotions last night and then numbers and screens today. i feel asleep so easily this morning lol i had to watch a documentary on sunfish and then had to take a nap again..... but i got an energy boost a bit later so now im okay! i have to start packing again grrrr i think today im gonna start with the stuffies on my bookshelf and the other stuff there maybe nightstand stuff? we'll see lol about Me hi im madison 22 idk how to code so this shit looks rough as hell lmao. as of right now its just like a vent space and exercise in html stuff click here for the creds for this theme! diary pics coming soon! links put some links here, you can add as many as you want sample link back to my website using this banner: